Enough said.

I second guess my decision to homeschool all the time.  There, I said it.  I wonder if I'm enough.  Not just in general, but across the board.  Am I patient enough?  Smart enough?  Organized enough?  Have I researched curriculums enough?  Do I have enough planned?  Enough language arts?  Enough science?  Enough history?  Enough math?  Enough reading?  Do my boys get enough time with kids their age?  Is swimming, tae kwon do, and soccer enough?  Should I add more?  Can I add more?  When is enough... well, enough?

I struggle with all of this on a daily basis.  I wonder why I should struggle with this.  Why I've taken this all on.  I'm not anti-public school.  I actually had a really wonderful experience in school as a child.  If my current situation were different, I believe I would have my children in public school.  But, that's not the case.  We're a military family.  Since my boys were born, we've moved four times (with another scheduled in less than 6 months).  I worry about consistency in their education.  It's no secret that states vary in their public school success rates.  We have lived in states with excellent reputations, and we have lived in states that are at the absolute bottom of the list.  I don't want my boys to fall thru the cracks because of this.  I don't want our current lifestyle to create gaps in their education.  I want them to have, on some level, the consistency that I had as a child.  I want them to have the best.  I go around and around on each facet of my decision to homeschool on a weekly basis.  I wonder, when I will convince myself that I am enough?

I do have glimpses of it.  There are moments when all of my self-doubts are chased away... I see my boys reading a book together, playing with other children, and being confident in themselves.  They are curious, intelligent, giving, charismatic, and generous little boys.  And when they look at me, my heart knows that in their eyes I am not 'just' enough... I am everything they need. 

And that is most definately enough.